And don’t compare his treatment of his son to your daughter. You’re getting second-hand reports from probably biased people. All that matters is that he’s barely interested in your daughter and making your lives miserable.

Your dily already – you. Go find more people who will love her and you, and protect her from those who mean her no good. posted by viggorlijah at PM on [2 favorites]

This will affect her in the long run. My childhood wasn’t horrible – there were no beatings or anything – but my family dynamic was such that growing up I was honestly baffled at friends who cared about their parents, like, truly cared out of more than a mere sense of obligation. My dad was the jerk, but my mom allowed him to act like this – never standing up to him, and yelling at us if we tried to stand up to him.

Your guy sounds like a jerk. Your daughter’s going to growing up hating him for being a jerk, and, once she’s old enough to understand the situation, she’ll probably hate you for continually exposing her to that.

Since we reached majority, two of her three children by him sought out a relationship, and two out of three of them got burned as a result

He’s missed more than two visits, so no more visits. Let him know that you call the shots, now. If he wants to insist on visits you tell him he has to show responsibility. He needs to do give you phone calls once a week to check up on her. If he’s able to do that consistently, then maybe video chats. Then supervised visits. Mainly he needs to show that he wants to be and is capable of being there for his daughter. So don’t believe him even if he says he wants to see her – believe his actions.

He told them I stalked him and got pregnant on purpose and ruined his life by asking for child support.

. Wait – do they know how women get pregnant? Do they know you couldn’t have gotten pregnant on your own, and that there are forms of male contraception? Also that child support exists for precisely these circumstances? posted by Lt. Bunny Wigglesworth at AM on [6 favorites]

Some people demand parental rights not because they want to be there for the child, but because the child is something of theirs they don’t want taken away – it’s more about power than love

I think if your friends were so eager to believe this lying scumbag, they weren’t your friends and you’re better off without them.

I always think its funny-sad when men say they were ‚trapped‘ into becoming fathers. Geeze there are a lot of free roaming dicks out there.

(seriously, I knew a 24 yr old man who truly believed that ‚pulling out‘ was all the birth control he needed. I think he’s a grandfather now) posted by jaimystery at 4:54 AM on [5 favorites]

You sound smart enough to know what to do with that termination clause. posted by Jilder at 8:00 AM on [1 favorite]

Look, you’re gonna have to harden up, stop engaging with this whole scenario, create your new reality . and I say this as someone who has had to do the same. He’s screwed up on visitation and that’s your „out.“ Stop thinking it over and take it. Those „mutual friends“ need to get cut out, pronto, as well as all communication/touchpoints with anyone who is not 1000% supportive of YOU and YOUR GIRL. You don’t mention your own support system — your family, your friends? — but you must swallow your pride and confide in someone who loves you who is not connected to him, because you need a place to go, maybe physically, definitely emotionally https://getbride.org/latvialaiset-morsiamet/, in addition to the therapist’s office.