Finally, Ade asked Bev to help him change by blowing him a kiss (as a signal) any time he starts to slip back into his former behaviour. Many years later, Ade and Bev insist that the decisions they took on that faithful day saved their marriage.

So, every deliberate effort to meet your spouse’s basic needs is proof that you really love him/her

When you spoke your marriage vows, you where promising to take on certain responsibilities in the marriage. One of those responsibilities includes fulfilling some of your spouse’s needs that nobody else is meant to meet. Yes, it would require sacrifice, but if you take delight in meeting those needs, you cannot fail to build a rock solid marriage.

Love is a verb. It is an action word. Well, your spouse can’t be totally happy and fulfilled if their basic needs stay unmet for long periods of time.

Psychologists and sociologist are right to remind us that up to 80% of our children’s attitude and behaviour come directly from what they observe and learn in the home. They also tell us that the chances of turning out just like our parents are alarmingly high. That said, there is no better example that you can set for your children than to genuinely express tonnes of kindness and consideration to your spouse in front of them.

So when you promise to meet your spouse’s need for respect, or honesty, or openness, or financial support, or sex – you do it because your reputation is on the line

Integrity is never easy to maintain. Life and circumstances often conspire to make you drop your standards. Yes, you made a promise, but you don’t think your partner is living up to their part of the bargain – you figure. But integrity has nothing to do with what somebody else does or doesn’t do. Integrity has to do with you. You draw on God grace and fulfil your pledge. That’s what a man or woman of integrity does, even if they have to do it on ‘credit‘.

Lastly, your determination to meet your spouse’s basic needs is proof that you value the ‘priceless gift of a spouse‘ that God has given to you. No, your spouse is not perfect. Your partner may not even be all you had hope for. But at least you have a partner. That makes you more blessed than millions of people in our world who go to their graves lonely and alone every year.

Also, the object of marriage is not to start with a perfect partner heated affairs dating site review, but to end with one, as you sharpen and build each other. In short, your marriage is often the tool God uses to mature and perfect you and your spouse. So, be grateful for the ‘gift‘ you have, because that’s what will motivate you to keep pressing on when times are tough.

Conclusion:As I conclude my thoughts on this chapter, I want to add that our needs generally change over time. Even when they don’t completely change, our order of priority often does. For instance, your basic needs may change when a child is born, or when the child starts school, or even when all your children have left home. As my wife and I have gotten older, we’ve noticed a shift in the intensity and order of our basic needs.

When that happens in your relationship, I encourage you to talk about it again and (if necessary) reorganise your life to meet the new needs. At each point sacrifice, flexibility, commitment and understanding will be required from the two of you, but the result can be magical.